Today? Not so much. There is something I want to write about and nothing witty or even vaguely literary is coming to mind, probably because the subject is sad.
I’ve lost a friend . . .willingly.
Friendship was never easy for me. I’m more comfortable doing most of the things I like to do alone. Shopping, nature walks, even eating out, are all far more relaxing when I do them alone. But I know friendships are important, especially for those of us with neurodiversities. Even the Mayo Clinic says so.
We all have different kinds of friendships and, though I don’t have a horde of friends, I have my share of the various varieties. I have “cup of coffee” friends, “your daughter and my daughter are best friends” friends, work friends, school friends, “husband’s friends that are now my friends, too” friends, and a sister, which is kind of like a friend on steroids with a side of crazy.
And, until recently, I had a best friend.
Our relationship was built on mutual recognition of a kindred soul. No shared work, school, kid or husband connection—just two women who met and instantly ignited. It was intense, so intense that it could be both engaging and frightening for others to witness. It was a source of great comfort and joy for both of us for a long time.
Until it wasn’t anymore. It became a source of pain for me. I couldn’t change, didn’t want to change, and the relationship couldn’t change. It became toxic. Being mentally well meant refusing to swallow the poison anymore.
Ending the friendship is the right thing, right now. That I have to keep reminding myself is the greatest evidence I have that it had become destructive. And, even though I precipitated the break, I grieve over the loss of something that was so dear.
Have you ever had to end a friendship? Share your story in the comments.